Bar-Bat Mitzvah Mistakes
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The 10 Biggest Mistakes That Will Ruin Your Bar or Bat Mitzvah Party 

  1. Having an Uncomfortable Setting
 Lots of us fall in love with a rooftop, a garden, or some other setting that’s high-risk in the sense that conditions must be perfect for it to work.  If you want a good party, the comfort of your guests, not the aesthetics, has to be paramount.  The happy, excited feelings of your guests are the fuel that powers and energizes your party.  So, don’t ruin it by squeezing them into a too-small room, using a tent in cold weather or during the rainy season, etc. 
  1. Having an Unsuitable Setting
 Bar-Bat Mitzvah MistakesThe best example of this is the historical house where, instead of being all together in one big room, the guests are parceled out into a set of charming little rooms.  This arrangement will keep your party from taking off because everyone has to be together, experiencing your party and infecting each other with their contagious high spirits in order to get a great party going. 
  1. Having Other Mood Killers
 The bar/bat mitzvah is famous for the biggest mood-killer ever devised – the candle lighting.  There are certainly a handful of people out there who haven’t already sat through 30 of these and who still find them charming, but most guests secretly are, at best, bored out of their minds and, at worst, hostile about waiting to find out if they’re on their supposed friend’s “A list” or not.  Candle lightings were invented by a caterer.  They are  not Jewish, they have no ritual significance and no savvy host – that is, one who understands the crucial role of “mood” in powering a party – would have one these days.  My advice is to say special words to those few special people, but also find a way to publicly honor everyone at your party. 
  1. Allowing Toxic Boredom to Develop
 The bar/bat mitzvah party formula hasn’t changed in 50 years.  People eat, they dance, and the kids play games with the DJ.  Anything fun you can do to break up the routine will seem like genius thinking and will be VERY appreciated.  I like having activities going on in different parts of the room so people have places to go and reasons to keep mingling throughout the party. 
  1. Letting Fascinating Guests Remain Strangers
 As the one person in the room who knows absolutely everyone, it is your job to make sure the guests Bar-Bat Mitzvah Mistakesfind out all the fascinating details they would love to know about each other.  Again, the more delight you inspire in guests, the more exciting your party will be.  So, use ice-breakers to make sure all guests see each other in the most thrilling light possible. 
  1. Going on Too Long
 Far better to have a fantastic 3-hour party that leaves them wanting more than a 5-hour party that has them begging for mercy.  The length of the party is largely determined by the pacing of the meal.  Be sure to let your caterer and DJ know how you want it to roll out. 
  1. Making it Too Generic
 The only unique think any of us have to share is ourselves and our individual way of seeing and doing things.   Have you heard of “Ground Hog Day Syndrome?”  It’s the feeling guests develop that they wake up and go to the same bar or bat mitzvah over and over again.  This happens when families don’t put enough of themselves into the party to make it uniquely their own.  You can do better than that. 
  1. Making One Trivial Idea About Your Child the Entire Theme
 Kids this age are fascinating and guests want to share them as much as they can in this one brief opportunity.  Don’t boil your child down to just one cliché (he likes baseball; she’s into horses!).  Find ways to share as much about them as they’ll allow.  This can be done with decorations and other elements. 
  1. Allowing Family Battles to Ruin the Day
 Bar-Bat Mitzvah MistakesSadly, I get countless questions from (usually) divorced parents wanting to know how to make it painfully obvious – starting with the wording on the invitation – that the ex-husband is a jerk or the new wife is unwelcome.  Everyone, please, for your child’s sake, set it aside for one day.  We can’t fix everything we don’t love about our lives, but we can – and should – create one perfect day for our child where he/she doesn’t have to think about it. 
  1. Spending More Than You Should
 If you have taste, you don’t need a lot of money; and if you don’t have taste, money isn’t going to help. – Gail Greenberg 

The most important thing to remember is that great parties come from following the rules in this list and having just a bit of panache, not from spending the GNP of a small nation.  You can certainly create a memorable moment by having Elton John at your party or you can create, probably, a more memorable moment by showing and telling your friends in a heart-felt way how much you love having them in your life.  One is several hundred thousand dollars cheaper than the other.  You decide. 

If you truly have a ridiculous amount of money to spend, there are a few billion people in the world who could use your help.  That’s one of the things the Torah is trying to teach us here.  Did you catch it? 

11. The Most Important and not on list: having a Hawaiian Theme and not having the colorful and cheerful Maui Wowi staff greeting everyone with a warm "Aloha", Maui Wowi Smoothies, and of course the Maui Wowi Tiki bar...Mahalo!!!

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